Apologies

My Apologies

To the Mistakes and Challenges in My Life,

          Please forgive me for my negative attitude and assumption that your very presence in my life is a problem to be overcome.  I know you are often pushed to the back and quarantined in the backrooms of my memories. 

          I have often wondered how you managed to escape those rooms to creep up on me.  You often appear suddenly as I drive home from work, or prepare for a presentation.  Until today, I thought you were there to remind me of how stupid, forgetful, uncaring, and uncoordinated I can be.  How could I have known that your timing was intentional and meant to support me in my future endeavours?

          Your presence in my life has helped to shape me into a strong, independent, problem solver who is still able to recognize when help is needed.  You have taught me how to overcome fear and indecision.  I strive to be better at my profession and to be a better person because of the adversity you put in my way, and the constant sneak attack reminders you send.

          So today, I would like to say thank you.  Thank you for the many different forms you take and the people that carry you into my world.  Thank you for the students, parents, colleagues, family members and friends that present your case and force me to look again at the person I am becoming.  Thank you for the lessons you have taught me and the guidance you continue to offer.  Thank you most of all for your persistence, for it is that, that provides the uncertainty and discomfort that leads to my deepest learning and lasting life changes.

                             Yours now and always

                             Judy

Explanation

I have always thought of myself as a reflective person, but I have often undervalued the challenges, obstacles and difficult situations in my life.  Kathryn Byrnes (2012), in an article entitled A Portrait of Contemplative Teaching:  Embracing Wholeness, introduced me to the idea of contemplation.  She describes contemplative teaching as embracing the reciprocal influence of the outer being on the inner being.  It requires acknowledgement of strengths and weaknesses.  Together a whole being is made.  Within us, there are strengths and weakness, courage and fear, and moments of confusion balanced by moments of clarity.

The apology letter is my first step at acknowledging the weakness within me as valuable to the whole that is Judy.  It is my first step at embracing vulnerability (Brown, 2010) and applying purpose to a personal invitation for change within me.

References

 Brown, B. (2010).  The gifts of Imperfection.  Center City, Minnesota, Hazelden.

  Byrnes, K. (2012).  A portrait of contemplative teaching: embracing wholeness.  Journal of Transformative Education, 10(1), 22-41.  DOI: 10.1177/1541344612456431 http://jtd.sagepub.com