Looking Back, Looking Ahead:
Remembering
As I reflect on the spring term, I am stunned by the amount of information that has been exchanged within our class. We have learned from our professor (Dr. Hilary Brown), each other, and ourselves. I have learned to reflect openly and much more honestly and to cut the system a little slack.
So, what is it that I want to say about the learning through this personal project (5 blogs and a summary blog)? I'm still not sure. The most surprising thing for me is "I'm not sure" is not sending me into a frenzy of anxiety. I sit with my computer on my lap doing exactly what I ask my art students to do -- just get started and see where the activity takes you.
I value learning -- you would hope this is true as I am in a Masters of Education program -- and believe that each new experience is a building block for the person I will become. So how has the learning in this course been different?
The learning was my own. I didn't need to take responsibility for it; I was invited to learn and given the responsibility to direct it myself. This reads as simple comparison, but the two statements are separated by a deep chasm. If I am directed to take responsibility, then it is a job, a must do, a requirement for course completion. If I am invited in and given a responsibility it is mine to own and complete. If I am the director of the learning, it can go where ever I need it to go.
The learning has done just that. It has been a journey of many side streets, some interesting, some horrifying, some deeply moving, and some needing to be saved for another visit. At times, it was a visit to a special friend where secrets could be shared, examined, cried over, then laughed about. At other times, the learning dropped at a movie theatre and forced me to watch myself as a teacher filled with weakness and strengths. My favourite destination was the haunted house. There I learned about the strength of fear and adversity, and having survived the terror, I again emerged ready to strike out on the next adventure.
As my metaphor of a journey continues, so too my learning progresses. I want to be able to wrap it up in a succinct summary statement and to provide a tonne of professional references to back it up, but that doesn't feel right.
Learning to be invitational and holistic in my teaching requires me to become these things in all areas of my life. Coming into this class about invitational and holistic learning theories, I was expecting to get a list of things to do and be as I went about my daily teaching. So here is what I truly learned:
- I will never be finished with my learning, my practice will always be evolving, and I will never be the expert teacher I imagined myself becoming.
- The above statement is not an admission of defeat or failure. It is a simple truth and one that I am now ready to accept.
- There is no magic panacea or formula to guarantee success.
- I am valuable for the teacher I am now, but I am worth the work needed to become the teacher I envision (even though the vision with change with time).
- I need to return to story and to the love of story telling and story listening.
- If I remain purposeful and intentional as I take invitational and holistic theories into my daily life, they will spread gracefully into my teaching practices and into all of my relationships and dealings with people.
- My mantra since 1993 has been
and now I add
"Embrace the mistake; Follow it's lead." (me during a class activity -- write a six word memoir)
I finish this summary, by saying that finding my own articles to read and share was the best way to discover the basics of invitational and holistic theories and to explore how they may fit into my own practices. The blog allowed me to drift through my thinking and learning. The personal project challenged to me examine my thinking in a different mode and to push through my comfort zone to create the following:
I am tempted to go back through this blog and format with headings, and but in information that requires academic citing, but I am going to leave it as it stands. I am leaving it because as it is best reflects how raw and fragile my learning still is. I am only just beginning to develop my skills and understanding in this area, but the journey and the learning will continue.
Thank you Hilary!
Judy
